worlds funniest jokes

The world's funniest joke was unveiled by scientists today at the end of the largest study of humour ever undertaken.

The joke which received the highest global ratings was submitted by 31-year-old psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall, from Manchester.

etc, etc, bla bla bla, LOL

It reads as follows: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

People from the Republic of Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand most enjoyed jokes involving word plays.

One example was as follows. Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that!"

Americans and Canadians, on the other hand, preferred jokes where there was a strong sense of superiority - either because a character looks stupid or is made to look stupid by someone else.

This was an example of American humour.

Texan: "Where are you from?"

Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"[b]

Many European countries, such as France, Denmark and Belgium, displayed a penchant for off-beat surreal humour.

Here is an example: [b]An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

more if interested, LOL


Top joke in Scotland: I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Top joke in England: Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

Top joke in USA: A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Belgium: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

Oct 3 2002

By John von Radowitz, Science Correspondent, PA News