*Now kids, we're not here to attack each other.
We're here to attack the baby.
*I left high-school, lost the will to live and here I am...
* Peg, you know I warned you before about touching me.
* Why doesn't the world die?
* The only power I sensed was that of the mighty forces
unleashed by beans.
* Please, Peg, if you have any feelings for me, don't make me
make love to you.
* Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?
* Milwaukee. That's the town they build around you mother
isn't it, Peg?
* No-one can resist a shoe-salesman.
* Pretty good for a guy stupid enough to marry you, huh ?
* Peg, this is your birthday, please don't make me kill you!
* Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.
* Every now and then a guy who drive a Dodge likes to
close his eyes and imagine it's a Ferrari.
* Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs,
you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex but there's
no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
* A man is a man all his life.
A woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.
* Insurance is like marriage.
You pay and pay but you never get anything back.
* Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.
* I'm not paying for mistakes.
I've been doing that since I got married.
* I'm married with children.
* Guys may come and guys may go, but daddy's always daddy...
well, at least until he jumps a freight train.
* I had a dream last night. A big red haired mosquito
in tight pants was hovering over me sucking money
out of my wallet.
* I saw a star in the East. Peg, did you do laundry?
* Look at your mother, you've got her so worried she's
looking every bit her 50 years.
* Peg, when you married me,
was it pre-meditated or a drive-by marriage.
* Kelly, it's not that we don't believe you.
It's just that we don't believe in love.
* I will show him the same kind of respect that any father would
show a 41 year old man who dates his teenage daughter.
* Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter with the brain of a fruit-fly earned a thousand dollars in three nights. Should I be worried?
* I was driving home... God knows why?
* Kids take a good long look. This is worth a thousand condom commercials.
* This is not a recorded message. I'm a human being, dam it!
* I've lived and I've loved... later on I even married.
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